She was standing in front of the window, staring at the sky. Her thoughts were a mess. The confusion frustrated her, but she had to stay calm and not give anything away. He must never know how she really felt. What she was really thinking. She wouldn’t be able to face him or the truth. The pain was still there, below the surface, not showing. Apart from a few seconds of glimpses that she wished, with all the heart, he didn’t notice. He was lying on the bed, talking. She tried to tune him out. He stopped.
“A few more hours,” she thought, “ and I will be ok again.” She was still staring at the sky, hands in pockets, her favorite standing position. And she was thinking… Thinking of the things he told her a few minutes ago. She replayed the scene in her mind…
“You are all the things, that I want my best friend to be” he said, while holding her in his arms. “But I also, want to be able to hold you lying on the bed like this. And maybe even kiss you sometime.”
She didn’t want this, and sure as hell, she didn’t deserve it… And she told him that, but his reply, instead of clearing things up, confused her even more. “I know you don’t want it. No girl deserves that. I wouldn’t do that to anyone else” What did he mean? And if he wouldn’t do that for another girl, why did he want that for her? Asked that from her? Didn’t he realize, he was hurting her again? Wasn’t her ego bruised enough?
In the dead silence, she heard him gettng up and slowly walking her way. He hugged her from behind, slowly, gentle… Her body tightened and she didn’t move. Instead she stood there, numb, watching the stars. He leaned forward, touching his chin to her left shoulder and whispered in her ear, “You were an important chapter in my life…” and he paused. Her heart skipped a bit, but nothing more, because she knew that all this was in the past. There was no future there. Just a limited present, that was about to expire. All those weeks were just time stolen from reality. But after hesitating a bit, he continued saying “…a chapter that is still being written, otherwise you wouldn’t be here right now”. Under different circumstances, that one-breathed, last sentence would make her unbelievably happy, but things were clear. One word. One choice. His.
The only thoughts that came to her mind at that moment were to tell him” I need you to need me back. I want you to tell me that it’s me, the one you want next to you when your dreams come true. The one you want next to you, even if they don’t. That there’s noone else you’d rather be with…” But she knew, as he pointed out as well, it’s not a ‘One Tree Hill drama’, it’s just life. Well life sucks! It was in that moment, that she accepted the thing she was avoiding for so long. She made him her priority again, while she wasn’t even a choice for him.
She turned slowly around and after talking for a few seconds he hugged her. She hugged him tight and he kissed her forehead. They said goodbye. She walked out of the door and he stole a kiss on her chic. She turned again and said to him, “All this time you were asking for a kiss…” and simply walked away, without turning back. Their time was up and the moment was long gone…
originally posted on 18/10/2011
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