...the red door...

She was standing in front of the red door. The same one she stood there before. For some reason, she was always afraid of what might that door hide. She could never bring herself to open it but rather stood at the same point gazing at the doorknob. But something was different this time around. She had a feeling, a bad feeling that she couldn’t shake off. She had to know what was hiding behind it. The answers she was seeking were there. She could feel it. She braced herself and with the quick motion she pushed the door wide open.

It was cold and wet. She opened her eyes and realized she was suddenly outside. The rain was coming down so hard; it felt like small whiplashes on her cheeks. She leaned her head back and let the rain wash all of her worries away. Slowly she opened up her arms and started moving in a circle. Gradually she moved faster and faster and faster, until she fell on the grass and laid there motionless. The dump of the ground did not bother her. She started thinking of the first time she met him and wished that there would be a background music like there are in movies....

I have no more time for you to hurt my feelings...

Nothing left for me to say

There's no more wicked games to play

It's time for me to walk away

I am alright

I feel like I’m on a high

And you regain is on my life

I’m turning to the rhythm of the night

I am alright

Simple clarity, the realization that we had always been meant for each other, and every instinct to the contrary had simply been a denial of the following truth. I was now and would always be in love with him...

...

“I didn’t come here to rehash the past. I was reminded today, in a roundabout way, that the most perfect act of love is sacrifice. I love you and I think I have since the first moment we locked eyes. And it is gonna suck! But if what you want, is for me to let go, then I’m gonna do it. Be happy, I want that with all my heart.”

"Someone Like You"

I heard that you're settled down

That you found a girl and you're married now.

I heard that your dreams came true.

Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

...inspiration...

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." 

Thoughts playlist...Please press PLAY!

Have you ever wished that your life had a soundtrack? Like, for example, in a moment of great sadness everything goes silent but a sad melody that plays in the background and everything around you starts moving in slow motion? Like you are there but not an actual part of your surroundings?  Well I did, and to be honest every time I'm on a bus or train, I put on my headphones, turn up the volume and let the music take me, closing out every other noise. 

So I'm on this bus, back to Portsmouth, and I have a window seat. So, obviously, I put my headphones on and lean my head to the window. First song on the playlist is the following...

Thoughts in the underground..

So i was getting off Piccadilly line earlier today and I was trying to get to my connection line and there was this guy in a music corner at the bottom of the escalators. His was playing a melody that seems familiar. He had the basic music, piano and guitar, playing from some small speakers and he was playing the saxophone. It was a really haunting melody and I couldn't figure the lyrics to the song apart from a line I remembered. "...falling in love with you..." . 

...no title...

“You’re smiling. That means you’re not upset with me anymore,” he said.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you but I’m still very angry,” she whispered through her red, shaking lips.

“But I made you laugh… almost. It means it isn’t beyond forgiveness.”

“It’s over, Robert.”

“I won’t give up,” he said putting on the brave face of a soldier, which made her smile again because it had something childish in it. “You’re smiling again.”

“No I’m not,” she argued but still smiling.

“I can prove it.”

He approached her while she still smiled with the purpose of defying him. He couldn’t prove it. It was his word against hers. Robert grabbed her arms confidently and slowly touched her lips with his. It wasn’t a kiss. He was just trying to copy the shape of her mouth. It was a gentle touch that puzzled her. He backed up a bit, proudly, saying:


“See? This is how your mouth looks like. You’re smiling. I don’t want it to be over. We’ll build our own world; create huge walls around it so that no evil could penetrate it. You mustn’t believe everything you here. Damn it! You mustn’t believe anything. I’ll make that castle for us and you won’t be hurt again. I know how you feel. You feel… you can’t trust anyone. You feel alone. You feel abandoned. You can trust me, you know?! I’ll always be here and I’ll never betray you. Give me a chance! I’m not as cold-hearted as all the people you know. I love you. Please!”

She looked at him behind her ice-cold tears and said with a rough voice:

“It’s over.”

All he could see then was her back… her body, quickly furthering itself. Then the ghosts of her steps. Then her ghost. The pain was too much to bear.

Irina was sitting on the stairs in front of her house. The entire sky was grey as if mad at something or someone. Tomorrow she would have to meet him at the university and talk to him. It all had gone on for too long. She just couldn’t cry every night anymore. Everything had to end because it had turned in a game of mutual stabbing. It was actually more like a chess game as they waited for the other to make the next move.

loneliness

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. 

It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone.

It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart I might not make it. 

It's easier to be alone.

Because what if you learn that you need love and then you don't have it? 

What if you like it and lean on it? 

What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? 

Can you even survive that kind of pain? 

Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying.The only difference is.... Death ends. 

This.... It could go on forever.

I want you to....

I want you to hug me from behind, unexpectedly. 

I want you to give me your hoodie when I’m cold. 

I want you to hold me and keep me warm. 

I want you to cuddle with me and watch movies. 

I want you hold my hands and play with my fingers.

I want you to play with my hair.

I want you to take amazing photos with me. 

I want you to come to my house and meet my family. 

I want you to lay in my bed with me and just hold me.

I want you to watch the sunrise & sunset with me. 

I want you to give me piggy back rides. 

I want you to kiss my forehead.

I want you to sing my favourite song to me. 

I want you to wipe my tears away. 

I want you to always remind me that you really love me.

I want you to tell me you miss me. 

I want you to drop everything and hug me tight.

I want you to take pictures of us. 

I want you to take me on a picnic. 

I want you to smile every single time you see me. 

I want you to know how much I love you. 

I just, want you.  

Everything kills....

like...

...messages...

True Love

Letting go isn't a one-time thing. lt's something that you have to do over and over again, every day.

I'd catch a grenade for ya....

Easy come, easy go

That's just how you live, oh

Take, take, take it all,

But you never give

Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,

Why were they open?

Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, you did

To give me all your love is all I ever asked,

Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)

You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Oh, oh

I would go through all this pain,

Take a bullet straight through my brain,

Yes, I would die for ya baby;

But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no

Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb

Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from

Mad woman, bad woman,

That's just what you are, yeah,

You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car

Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, yes you did

To give me all your love is all I ever asked

Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)

You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Oh, oh

I would go through all this pain,

Take a bullet straight through my brain,

Yes, I would die for ya baby;

But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh

You’ d watch me burn down in flames

You said you loved me you're a liar

Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...

But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya

Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)

You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Oh, oh

I would go through all this pain,

Take a bullet straight through my brain,

Yes, I would die for ya baby;

But you won't do the same.

No, you won’t do the same,

You wouldn’t do the same,

Ooh, you’ll never do the same,

No, no, no, no

I just want...

someone to hold me in his arms at night when I sleep...

Has texting killed romance?

ASHTON KUTCHER asks, in an Internet era, are we losing our ability to really Communicate?

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman, "If you miss me … you can't text, you can't e-mail, you can't post it on my [Facebook] wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me." I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, e-mailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?