Simple clarity, the realization that we had always been meant for each other, and every instinct to the contrary had simply been a denial of the following truth. I was now and would always be in love with him...

...

“I didn’t come here to rehash the past. I was reminded today, in a roundabout way, that the most perfect act of love is sacrifice. I love you and I think I have since the first moment we locked eyes. And it is gonna suck! But if what you want, is for me to let go, then I’m gonna do it. Be happy, I want that with all my heart.”

"Someone Like You"

I heard that you're settled down

That you found a girl and you're married now.

I heard that your dreams came true.

Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

...inspiration...

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." 

Thoughts playlist...Please press PLAY!

Have you ever wished that your life had a soundtrack? Like, for example, in a moment of great sadness everything goes silent but a sad melody that plays in the background and everything around you starts moving in slow motion? Like you are there but not an actual part of your surroundings?  Well I did, and to be honest every time I'm on a bus or train, I put on my headphones, turn up the volume and let the music take me, closing out every other noise. 

So I'm on this bus, back to Portsmouth, and I have a window seat. So, obviously, I put my headphones on and lean my head to the window. First song on the playlist is the following...

Thoughts in the underground..

So i was getting off Piccadilly line earlier today and I was trying to get to my connection line and there was this guy in a music corner at the bottom of the escalators. His was playing a melody that seems familiar. He had the basic music, piano and guitar, playing from some small speakers and he was playing the saxophone. It was a really haunting melody and I couldn't figure the lyrics to the song apart from a line I remembered. "...falling in love with you..." . 

...no title...

“You’re smiling. That means you’re not upset with me anymore,” he said.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you but I’m still very angry,” she whispered through her red, shaking lips.

“But I made you laugh… almost. It means it isn’t beyond forgiveness.”

“It’s over, Robert.”

“I won’t give up,” he said putting on the brave face of a soldier, which made her smile again because it had something childish in it. “You’re smiling again.”

“No I’m not,” she argued but still smiling.

“I can prove it.”

He approached her while she still smiled with the purpose of defying him. He couldn’t prove it. It was his word against hers. Robert grabbed her arms confidently and slowly touched her lips with his. It wasn’t a kiss. He was just trying to copy the shape of her mouth. It was a gentle touch that puzzled her. He backed up a bit, proudly, saying:


“See? This is how your mouth looks like. You’re smiling. I don’t want it to be over. We’ll build our own world; create huge walls around it so that no evil could penetrate it. You mustn’t believe everything you here. Damn it! You mustn’t believe anything. I’ll make that castle for us and you won’t be hurt again. I know how you feel. You feel… you can’t trust anyone. You feel alone. You feel abandoned. You can trust me, you know?! I’ll always be here and I’ll never betray you. Give me a chance! I’m not as cold-hearted as all the people you know. I love you. Please!”

She looked at him behind her ice-cold tears and said with a rough voice:

“It’s over.”

All he could see then was her back… her body, quickly furthering itself. Then the ghosts of her steps. Then her ghost. The pain was too much to bear.

Irina was sitting on the stairs in front of her house. The entire sky was grey as if mad at something or someone. Tomorrow she would have to meet him at the university and talk to him. It all had gone on for too long. She just couldn’t cry every night anymore. Everything had to end because it had turned in a game of mutual stabbing. It was actually more like a chess game as they waited for the other to make the next move.