Thoughts playlist...Please press PLAY!

Have you ever wished that your life had a soundtrack? Like, for example, in a moment of great sadness everything goes silent but a sad melody that plays in the background and everything around you starts moving in slow motion? Like you are there but not an actual part of your surroundings?  Well I did, and to be honest every time I'm on a bus or train, I put on my headphones, turn up the volume and let the music take me, closing out every other noise. 

So I'm on this bus, back to Portsmouth, and I have a window seat. So, obviously, I put my headphones on and lean my head to the window. First song on the playlist is the following...

And I watch people walk by, passing others without making eye contact, just trying to get to their destination. Everyone is alone, but no one admits it.  And it makes you think, if people weren't hiding behind their stupid masks of perfection and accomplishment, would everyone have someone, just one person, that truly knew them?

And as the songs change, my mind wonders to the term "true love". 

But what is exactly true love? I hear friends talking about it. One says "He/She is my true love. I can feel it. " And I ask, how do you know he/she's your true love? "Oh, we've been 9 months together and we are so in love. Can't live without one another"

Another says "He/She is my true love and always will be, but we are not together any more. I miss him/her from time to time, but I wish him/her all the best." And i ask how do you know he/she's your true love? Because what I had with him/her, I won't have again. No one will make me feel the way he/she did." And I ask again, so? The next one might you feel even better. "But it won't be the same. He/She knew all of me, the good and the bad and the ever worse. He/She will hold a special place in my heart,and I know I will do too in his/hers"

Suddenly I realise the songs changed too many times and an upbeat tempo is on.

I look out of my window and we are on the highway. Fields full of trees pass us by and I start focusing on the lyrics.  "For every 99 times you looked me in the eye. You looked me in the eye and swore you weren't lying..." . It gets me thinking every time. WHY DO PEOPLE LIE? If I want to be honest with myself and you, dear reader, I have to rephrase: Why do WE lie? And the answer is: I have NO FREAKING idea... If anyone does, please shed some light.

The time passes really quickly. I'm already 50 mins in to my journey and I have another hour and 10 mins. A familiar song starts fresh on my playlist.

And I start thinking about all those supposed "friends" that want to change me... They don't like my hair. Or they don;t like my clothes. Or they don't like my attitude. Or they don't like my jokes. But the thing is that if you don't like even one of those things, then you don't like me! Because all those things combined make me. All flawed and strange and awkward and weird and crazy me! I won't change for none of you. Not any more. I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately. All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind. I'm tired of looking 'round rooms, wondering what I've got to do or who I'm supposed to be. I don't want to be anything other than me.


And I see from the window the Spinnaker Tower of Portsmouth the following song is playing. 





And, suddenly, I realized, it's all, in fact, in my head. Because no one cares about what I'm saying and whoever is reading this, thinks I'm a miserable little bitch! Thanx!




Yours Truly!