just gonna stand there and hear me cry...

"The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under. I did not resurface."

"It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must be in tact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me."

They say time heals all wounds, but how much? Sometimes you want to fast forward time to when you are "supposed to" feel better. Sometimes time is fast, sometimes slow. Sometimes you look back and things seemed to have changed so much- so quickly, or not at all. But one thing is true- time does pass- life goes on. 

"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me."

But I can't pretend "as if you never existed".... It still hurts...