not good enough....

That's what I'm afraid of. Not being enough, not... good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not... [Brooke Davis - One Tree Hill]

Welcome to my biggest fear and why I push people away, why I never let anyone get too close.

I am scared, so scared, terrified really. I know who I am; eccentric, thoughtful, introspective, so many things. However, I am also broken, flawed, blind. I am human, just like everybody else. I can say with certainty that I know who I am, despite how others may view me. I know me, all of me, good and bad, inside and out. I also know that who I am, who I have become in the past twenty one years, is good enough for me but I fear that what is good enough for me will never be good enough for someone else. And not even neccessarily good enough, but just enough. I fear that I will never be enough.

I know I shouldn't care what other people think of me, and on most days I don't, but other days... Other days I just want someone that thinks I am enough. Someone who can accept me for all that I am. Someone that will love me during the good and the bad. Someone to hold me through the storms. That one person who loves me even when I have trouble loving myself. I just want to fall in love. I just want to be enough.

Enough.

Good enough, smart enough, pretty enough...

Just enough.