Do it for you...

“1. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will be selfish. It will be broken. Your mother will cry.

2. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. Don’t be selfish.

3. When you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come- get up. It doesn’t matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 am’s. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you’ve read 202 times again. The 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed- you will think about the bus again.

4. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.

5. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.

6. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Or him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Hit him. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.

7. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Did you really want to be employed by someone like your father? Haven’t you had enough of judgmental old white men anyway? Get fuck you tattooed in tiny letters on your hip.

8. When you feel the yearning for a new city- start over. Take 200 bucks and a three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself in the strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.

9. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. Keep a sword on your key ring.

10. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. Live. See shitty local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. No one will care. Live. Have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. Pour love into her until it’s overflowing. Live. Wake up. Staying in bed all day is not poetic.

Live. Live.

Live.

Do you hear that? It’s me. It’s your life. Wake up."

...Always and Forever...

She opened her eyes and realized immediately it was morning but she didn’t feel like getting up. She had that feeling, the one that made her bring her knees to her chest and wrap her arms around her torso, just to keep herself together. But then something moved next to her. She had forgotten that she wasn’t in her apartment. Just another one night stand. She slowly and quietly climbed out of bed, grabbed her clothes and her purse and tried to sneak out. He moved again. She got scared, but managed to make it out of the room. She got dressed really quickly and stormed out of the nameless owner’s apartment.

Surprise..

Kaley was nervous. She felt like she was doing something wrong. Christopher didn’t know she was in his apartment, which was the point, but she thought that this could go either way.

...emotional crap...

Once more, she was looking out the window. This time she was looking the airplanes getting ready to land. He was talking on the other end of theline, miles and miles away. She was mad at him for something unreasonably stupid, but she could't help herself. She was a possesive woman. An over-possesive one to be honest, and she wanted what was hers, to stay hers. Or something that was about her, to only BE about her.

...a night in the past...

She was standing in front of the window, staring at the sky. Her thoughts were a mess. The confusion frustrated her, but she had to stay calm and not give anything away. He must never know how she really felt. What she was really thinking. She wouldn’t be able to face him or the truth. The pain was still there, below the surface, not showing. Apart from a few seconds of glimpses that she wished, with all the heart, he didn’t notice. He was lying on the bed, talking. She tried to tune him out. He stopped.

...complete...

It has been 5 months since they’ve been back together and they were still trying not to mess it up. It was, after all, their second and probably last chance at a happy ending together. It was a karmic relationship, that noone understood, but everyone knew they were two halves of the same whole.

...the red door...

She was standing in front of the red door. The same one she stood there before. For some reason, she was always afraid of what might that door hide. She could never bring herself to open it but rather stood at the same point gazing at the doorknob. But something was different this time around. She had a feeling, a bad feeling that she couldn’t shake off. She had to know what was hiding behind it. The answers she was seeking were there. She could feel it. She braced herself and with the quick motion she pushed the door wide open.

It was cold and wet. She opened her eyes and realized she was suddenly outside. The rain was coming down so hard; it felt like small whiplashes on her cheeks. She leaned her head back and let the rain wash all of her worries away. Slowly she opened up her arms and started moving in a circle. Gradually she moved faster and faster and faster, until she fell on the grass and laid there motionless. The dump of the ground did not bother her. She started thinking of the first time she met him and wished that there would be a background music like there are in movies....